Dinner?

Well I've started to get into the swing of things out here in lovely New Haven. I'm even getting the hang of my commute to New York pretty well. It's strange to feel like this is the norm for my summer now, living on my own having two jobs that are on the road to what people do for careers. Although nothing is too normal about it, especially the schedules I need to keep. Talk about some busy days.

When I get to stay in New Haven it's really not all that bad. I get to make my own hours (so, yes, my day doesn't start until 10 or 11). I get to work from home a lot of the time. And it takes a 10 minute walk to get to all the libraries I work at. Really 'living the dream' as they say. But then there are those wondrous days where I get to work in the Big Apple, birthplace of the American Dream. Who knew you'd have to wake up at 5:30 to catch up with that dream. That's right, it's up at 5:30 to get showered and ready to catch a bus to the train station. Once that ordeal is over I get to sit for another hour and a half on the train into Grand Central Station (of course continuing my never-ending pile of reading). Then its a 15 block walk to the workplace. Finally I've made it in just before 10 and about four hours after I started getting ready for work. Then it starts to get better. I'm reading manuscripts, organizing files, giving reviews (and yes I did say better). Let's not forget the lunch break I get, a gracious hour, to buy my hugely overpriced sub. 6 o'clock rolls around and I get to do all of the planning in reverse now. 15 block walk, hour and a half train ride, bus back to campus, 5 block walk back home, then I'm done--but not really. Because after a long day of work and walking I'm hungry. And so the worst of it all comes at around 9 at night; time to make dinner. Who knew needing to sustain yourself would be such a hassle. So a half an hour later I can finally sit and eat. By 10 I've finished dinner and the dishes and can finally sit in my room and relax, 16 hours after I started. Take another two hours to do some writing and reading, and it's to bed because in less than 6 hours it all starts again. Who knew living the dream and the American Dream at the same time would be so time consuming.

Room Without a View

So it's been a week since I moved into my New Haven apartment and things are starting to pick up. The room I'm staying in has two windows in it. One looks out onto a roof and deserted parking lot while the other one has a great view of my neighbor's brick wall. Even without the view from home, I'm finding New Haven to have some beautiful scenery. Of course there is the Yale campus in all its glory. High, stone and marble built buildings towering around green quads. Old discolored towers with ivy crawling up its walls. These are mammoth buildings (which includes the second largest gym in the world!). It's an odd and wonderful thing to see a normal city street with shops and restaurants that have these old giants looming in the distance. But let's not forget the beauty of the city without the school. One of my favorite places is the New Haven green. With some history of its own, New Haven has three churches planted right next to each other on a large green smattered with trees, benches, and walkways. These churches have been around for literally hundreds of years and add to the scene providing a place where the manmade and natural beauty of the city fuse together into an area where any and all take advantage of its welcoming presence.

Doing my research I'm stuck in a reading room that is underground giving me a view of a few stone sculptures. After spending six hours straight in a place like this, I'm really enjoying the view from the street. I hope I never forget to keep looking around.

Moving Day

Well after much planning, and even more waiting, I'm finally sitting in an air conditioned New Haven apartment three blocks away from Yale's campus. From start to finish it took about two days to get where I am now. I woke up yesterday at 5am, about 7 hours earlier than I had been that whole week, and started packing up the car for departure. 6am rolls around and my parents and I start off on our 6 hour trip. We took two cars up, not knowing whether I would keep one here or not; so naturally I was left alone, which isn't so bad for a couple hours. By the fourth or fifth hour I'm holding full blown conversations with myself trying to keep myself awake. By noon (I'd be waking up around now usually) we get into New Haven to discover I wasn't the only one moving that day. It was the seniors last day on campus, which means 1300 students were trying to get out of the city just around the time I was trying to get in. After driving around for 20 minutes looking for a parking space, we finally found one. I shoved a fistful of dimes, one at a time, into the parking meter to get two hours and then we were in search of the apartment.

We visited my now temporary home and found it to be relatively clean (considering four male college students have spent the last year here) and in a great location. After brief deliberation it was settled that I would be moving in. The night went well from there, even into the next morning. Then the sun started to do its work, and the temperatures rose to 92 with not a cloud in sight. Living in the second floor of a house with no air conditioning when its 92 outside is one of the worst places I've ever been. I felt like I should've taken a shower ever 15 minutes; the rooms were at a place where it was uncomfortable to move and even breathe the air. In the midst of this I was given my first assignment, which could only be done in small increments considering my lack of focus. Instead I wandered around the city looking for grocery stores and a gym membership. It gets to be about 6pm and I can't take it any more, either I'm getting AC or I'm moving into the library. So I get into another (vacant) bedroom to find a window unit; I couldn't have been happier if I had found solid gold. Now to move it. First problem, undo six screws--check. Next, remove tape from all sides of window--check. Then, lift window unit and proceed to spill out half a gallon of water--check. (Side-step, clean up water spilled all over wood floor--check). Finally, carry unit into bedroom, install into window, screw into window sill, turn on, and find relief--check. So here I am, one full day down, and looking for tomorrow's new adventure.

Rome Wasn't Built In A Day...

But was it destroyed in one? It's been bound to happen since I started writing this blog--the ever looming failure and end of something great. Life is full of conflict and disappointment, and if I've learned anything this past week it's that you can't plan for a minute of it. In a mere week my life has done a 180, and everything's changed. Let's begin with last Friday when I begin writing my first paper of the many I have due at the end of the semester. I start writing a research paper for an English class I was taking, which usually isn't so bad. But, I didn't have a thesis, or really a topic for that matter, and the best advice I'm given to fix this is to start writing anyway. So now I'm writing a paper without knowing what it's about. Moving through the weekend where I somehow put together this English paper, now its right on to a religion final. This carries us through until Tuesday, when my heart's broken. Feeling alone, I trudge onward to Wednesday and Thursday where I still have three more papers to complete. In the midst of this, I'm realizing that most of the friends I have on campus are saying goodbye to me for the last time, quite possibly, ever.

So in one week, I have lost one relationship, written 40 pages of academic writing, and said goodbye to countless friendships. So maybe it took a week for Rome to crumble. What's left but to look onward and upward, as it's said. I have nothing left but to look to the promises in the summer and to leave the end of the semester to melt into a nostalgic memory, where I remember that I managed to write an incredible amount of work in a short time, where I became closer with the friends I still have, where I was given a chance to focus on my own goals. And with the beautiful weather (finally) here, I can look to the summer where I will have not one, but two internships. I will be spending it in New Haven and New York City. I will be working with one of the top literary agencies in the country and one of the top colleges in the country. Now if that's not a new, strong foundation I don't know what is. A successful city cannot survive if it does not stand against raging winds and terrible storms. My Rome may have been wrecked in a week, but let's see if I can't rebuild. And so begins a moment of reconstruction within my life; repairing the storm damage while enjoying the new and bright day.

How Do You Say...

Two words is not enough. It's not enough to explain what I need to say, what I feel. Two words only take a second to say. Its not fair that it should only take a second to recompense years. Years of support, of help, of sacrifice. You held me when I cried and woke you in the middle of the night. You picked me up and cleaned out my skinned knee when I screamed. You kept a patient smile on your face while I missed catching hundreds of baseballs, followed by a "sorry," and your "it's ok." You've sat through hours of questions about great and small. You've guided me, taught me, and been an example to me. You've stayed, never leaving my side, in my irresponsibility and my insolence. In my frustration and my anger, you've comforted. And in the newest chapter of your tireless support, as I falter in my stare down with failure, you stand up and stare it down. Not only that, you teach me how to do the same, inspire me to reach for new ideas, new plans--I'm not staring down failure, I can't even see it any more. You come with words that uplift and embraces that fortify. How can I diminish this down to a simple two words? Maybe it will fit in three.

Thunderstorms

I am not one for the summer months; leave me with the cleanness of a snow-covered lawn and the mist of exhaled breath. I'm in love with the crystal blue of a winter sky (and this from a color-blind kid). But there is one bit of weather, one little piece of the science of creation that I love most--thunderstorms. It's getting to just about that season and it always whips me back to childhood. I'm racing my bike against the blowing wind, black clouds are billowing overhead and just the faintest of drops land, sparsely, on my neck and arms. I'm riding on the cusp of chaos; risking the downpour that is imminent.

I suppose I have it backwards though. Your supposed to love the warm sunny days where you can sit outside and enjoy the view. Don't get me wrong, sun shining through the green leaves of a maple tree is picturesque, but it's not something to really sink your teeth into. It's nature relaxing, creation dreaming; having a taste of the impossible calm. But I still love my unpredictable storms; perhaps its the reader in me (or maybe even the writer) searching for conflict, for the real battle of life.

The looming approach of darkness is exhilarating. I love sitting outside feeling the pressure drop, watching the clouds move, nature is in motion. I am watching the world actively move. I am seeing the expanse of the sky summon its strength, show its own emotion. The pain and raw conflict and chaos of what the world is stands before my eyes. Then the drops begin to fall faster and faster from the battle-worn and bruised skies. It becomes a veil of transparent grey that covers everything. Then the heavens open for just a flash of time and I see the blazing glory of lightning. Followed abruptly by a crash and roll, then a low, resonant grumble. I can feel the deep vibration shake and pound my chest. And when I go to sleep that night--listening to the drops fall from the darkness above; seeing, in my dreary sight, shadows in a brilliant flash; hearing the sky speak to me in his earth-shaking tones--I know I am not alone in my anguish, my chaos, my passion.

Rockstar

Well this past week was spring break and instead of doing the normal go home and sleep for 7 days, I decided to put a little spin on it and follow up on some intern leads. So Monday was Washington DC. I went down to NPR (National Public Radio) and got a tour of the whole place; though a new addition has been added it is still relatively small for such a large organization with so many employees. I look forward to seeing their new building in a few years. It's a fantastic place with quite friendly people who are very willing to offer any information or help they can give you. Overall, I was really impressed with the experience. Being able to hang out in the nation's capital wasn't all that bad either. From there, Tuesday brought on New York City. The Big Apple, the home of the American Dream. I actually spent most of the day walking the streets, but in between these marathons, I had a some pretty important chats with a literary agency. If all things go well, I'll "hear back from them by the end of the month"--worst part of applying. Finally, I ended up in Baltimore on Wednesday just to take a little break from it all and spend the afternoon with my dad--great day.

After seeing three cities in such short succession, it's amazing to see how individual a "vibe" you can get from a certain city. DC give me a feeling of business, but it still clings to its older roots. As far as major cities go, it also has more of a southern aristocratic tinge than most. It seems to be presenting America, as a neatly wrapped (though confusingly planned) city that welcomes the average street walker. New York is more in your face. It's an explosion of culture, music, art, business, fashion, food--all at once. It's fast paced and fun. And Baltimore, well that will always feel a little like home to me; the one and only Charm City. The Inner Harbor is the place to be on a spring-warmed day with a little ocean breeze in the air. You have fun just wandering on the brick walkways without really even knowing why.

Aside from my personal musings of city "auras," the week was pretty great. Traveling to major cities, investigating new job opportunities, and have a good time along the way. All I need now is to be wildly successful (hopefully by the end of this month*) and I'll be a true rockstar.