Doctor, Doctor Give Me the News

With the impending doom of the swine flu ravishing our campus, students started becoming pretty worried in the last week before Thanksgiving break. It wasn't that they realized papers and project dates were swiftly closing in and they just weren't feeling up to the task. It wasn't that they were afraid of carrying disease to their homes and families. It was the possibility that the college might cancel the Thanksgiving dinner because of the flu pandemic. Normally our dinners are pretty average when it comes to colleges. A few lines ranging from entrees to the grill to the salad bar; in reality, not too bad of a deal. But the Wednesday before Thanksgiving break, the school brings out all the stops.

They open up the cafeteria and set up a table that stretches along each side of the hall. The line for this thing is unbelievable. People start lining up at 4pm, by the time I got out of swim practice the line was outside of the building and nearly into the plaza--thats about 30 yards, and that's just to get into the cafeteria. Once you've gotten through the initial line, you get into line for the cornucopia you are about engorge yourself with. As you move inch by inch, more and more dishes come into view. Finally you grab your plate that is actually too hot to hold and start going at it. You can always tell who the freshmen are because they actually take up room on their plates for the fruit and salad that's laid out at the front of the table. Too seasoned for that mistake I patiently await what's to come next. At my fingertips are vats of stuffing, tubs of green beans, and sweet corn in bowls too big to lift. Here's where the real dinner starts, I need to lay a base level of all three to cover my plate. Then the heavier stuff, you get the mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes and fish. Once I've reached this level, I can't expand outward on my plate, since I've already reached about a centimeter off the edge in every direction. The only place to go is up, so I pile it on. At the end of the line are the chefs standing ready to cut off slabs of ham and turkey at your bidding, the missing piece of the mountain I've constructed on my plate. Finally making it through this table--or row of tables--I move on to the gravy, which cascades down the Rockies equivalent of a dinner plate. Now I'm ready to eat right? Well not quite, now you've got your corn bread, rolls, pumpkin bread that I need to shove in every pocket I've got (good thing I decided to wear my jacket). Now the battle of the evening begins. You elbow and shove your way through the masses of starving students to find a table. It's like trying to find a parking space in Walmart on Black Friday. You just need to awkwardly wait at a table where it seems like they might be pulling out, then rush in on it before anybody else gets there. It gets rough out there, I've seen people throwing jackets and bags in front of others, people grabbing and diving for chairs; but my group finally found our seats and the feast could begin.

The hard part is, all of this isn't the end. You need to pace yourself through the dinner, enjoy some of everything, take awhile getting through the meal, and when you've settled yourself enough to actually stand again you leave and make your way to the next room. Give the door person your ticket and you've entered into a wonderland, an entire hall--that's right not just a room, but a hall--filled with the most delicious desserts. They've got everything from blackberry pie to chocolate death cake. Naturally, I like to test the limits and go for the death cake. This is the stage in the night where you actually see people laying down on the floor because sitting in an upright position cramps their stomach too much (and yes I may have been one of those people). After struggling through this massive piece of diabetes waiting to happen, I slowly, painfully begin to stand up and make my way back to the desserts. No, I'm not shoving another one down--well, not immediately. I just take a peanut butter cake for the road and head home to lay down and not move for a few hours.

So, you see, one of the most important days of the year for college students--the college Thanksgiving meal, because what kind of athlete or scholar would go into something without training or studying. The doctors and the school cleared us for our practice Thanksgiving meal, after a night like that you can't be anything but prepared for the real night just a week away. Man, you gotta love this time of year.